Nighttime Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Plan
Late-night's top entertainers devoted the evening mocking President Donald Trump's recently launched immigration program, called the "golden visa," portraying it as a clear pay-to-play arrangement for the affluent.
Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis
Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock Christmas jingle about the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "The President ... spoils each thing he comes into contact with."
Colbert's target was the controversial plan which permits international nationals to purchase U.S. residence for a sum of one million dollars, with a "platinum" version for $5 million. A government website guarantees processing "in record time."
"A brief thought for you to rich foreigners: before you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.
He noted that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from companies wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.
"The most thorough background check the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants truly qualify to be in America."
"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary
On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."
"This is a card that will permit affluent international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your selection."
"It might be time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.
Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."
"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Struggles
Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging poll numbers amid economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he noted.
This week, in a attempt to address affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of food items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.
"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."
"He's so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"
Meyers concluded by criticizing right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.